DJ Khaled Hospitalized in Tragic Accident

Breaking news: In a shocking turn of events, music producer DJ Khaled has reportedly been hospitalized and is in critical condition. According to eyewitnesses, Khaled was attempting the impossible, climbing up a flight of stairs.

“It was scary,” said a member of his entourage. “It was like a massive boulder was coming straight for us, I barely got out of the way in time.”

Based on our current knowledge of the situation, DJ Khaled had attempted to climb the stairs in his mansion all by himself right after lunch, refusing to use the stairlift as usual. Supposedly, he said it was his “life's mission” to climb up the stairs by himself, and that he's dreamed of doing it since he was a kid. Unfortunately, his dream fell flat today. He made it to the fifth step, when unexpectedly the steps broke beneath his feet, sending him flying backwards. Luckily, the massive amount of jewelry he had on broke his fall, and is possibly the reason he is still alive today. To get an inside look on how this incident came to be, we interviewed his chef, who prepared his dinner this evening. 

Explain to us what went down today at dinner, was anything out of the ordinary?

“Not at first, no. I had prepared his 14 course meal, and everything was going smoothly. The food added up to X calories, which is much less than his average lunch as he is attempting a diet. However, when we got to the final course, he was still very hungry. He gets angry when he's hungry, and forced me to keep cooking. While I don't remember much, I can still hear the screams, ‘ANOTHER ONE’ over and over. I think I have PTSD.” 

This incident has affected hundreds and left many homeless, with his fall registering as a 7 on the Richter scale.  Luckily, nobody else has been hurt, but the mental trauma inflicted on his staff may be irreparable. 

When we asked him how he's been holding up, he replied with, “I will walk up those stairs if it's the last thing I do. They didn't believe in us! God did.” 

The United Nations has labeled Khaled as a worldwide threat, and president Biden has ordered that he be monitored 24/7 by an elite task force to keep him away from any form of stairs. He has also been put on a mandatory diet, punishable by life imprisonment if he deviates from the food plan. While DJ Khaled may be far from accomplishing his dream, you can support his journey by streaming his newest album, “Stairway to Success.”